


EBOY MARK VS SCENE ETHAN

by not_a_tuna_fish_ish



Category: Unus Annus - Fandom
Genre: Battle, But Worse, Crack Fic, Gen, No Beta, One-Shot, and short, and stupid, platonic, think of Scott pilgrim vs the world, this is absolutely ridiculous I cannot believe I have the audacity to post it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:02:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28444356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_a_tuna_fish_ish/pseuds/not_a_tuna_fish_ish
Summary: EBOY Mark and SCENE KID Ethan have a battle. It is quite epic and amazing and incredible.
Relationships: Mark Fischbach & Ethan Nestor
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	EBOY MARK VS SCENE ETHAN

“Oh, you’re approaching me?” asked Ethan incredulously, as Eboy Mark came close to the boy. 

Mark tipped his round glasses down and looked up at Scene Ethan. “I approach thee. Ahahaha,” he stuck his tongue out and tilted his head to the side- a tell-tale sign of provocation from the Eboy. The other man recoiled at the forwardness of the action. 

“You desire battle?” shouted SE. He pulled a black lipstick out of his pocket and began to reapply. Mark’s confident look wavered when Ethan applied the lipstick perfectly in one swoop.  _ He- he didn’t even have a mirror,  _ thought EBM apprehensively.  _ No matter. HE IS NO MATCH for my Eboy prowess.  _

“I do desire battle. Prepare to be destroyed, Scene Boy,” said EBM. He readied his fists at his side. 

“Make the first move, coward!” SE put his hands behind his back confidently. 

A moment stretched out in time- the two men, no, the two ICONS stared at each other unblinkingly. Finally, Eboy Mark pulled his chain necklace off his neck in one motion. He flung it into the air and watched it unfold into a heavy and powerful weapon- a set of chain whips only to be wielded by the most SKILLED of the EBOYS. He raised his arm in the air and brought one chain down onto SE’s shoulder. 

“HA!” he grunted with exertion from moving the heavy metals.

Ethan dodged it seamlessly with a swift move to the side. He undid the belt around his waist and flipped it into the air, in a similar motion to what Mark did with the chains. It unfolded and refolded to become a long, leather ribbon with a batton attached to the end. Didn’t look like much- but the tensile strength of the weapon rivaled that of steel. Once caught in the hold of the belt it would take superstrength to get out. 

Ethan caught the baton by the handle and flicked his wrist, ducking under another swing of EBM’s chains. The end of the ribbon caught Mark’s ankle and wrapped itself around his leg. Ethan yanked and EMB lost his balance momentarily. 

“This will be easy!” SE called out confidently. “You’re no match for my fishnet t-shirt and skin tight pants. Don’t you know it’s the highest form of armory there is?” He laughed. 

Mark remained unphased. “UGH!” he grunted, with another fling of his chains. This time he used both of them. They surrounded Ethan from both sides and there was no way to dodge. He ducked as best he could but the chain nicked his upper arm. 

_ No! My armor. It’s taken heavy damage.  _ It was true, his fishnet was torn and his shoulders exposed.  _ Wait a minute, what am I thinking?!?? Exposed shoulder is extra sexy!! THIS CAN ONLY MAKE ME STRONGER!! _

He stood confidently. SE flashed his shoulder to Mark. The paleness blinded the eboy momentaility, and he was dazed. Ethan took the opportunity to deliver two belt-blows, each punctuated with a song lyric from 21 Pilots. 

“You’re the tear in my heart!” Ethan said boldly. Mark recoiled as the sound waves collided with his chest. 

The battle continued, each opponent brutally attacking with his weapon. It was a fair fight- Ethan’s lightness on his feet helped him avoid Mark’s strong but slow attacks. However, Ethan’s weapon was made more to disarm than to harm. This was a big disadvantage because doing so was almost impossible. You see, Ethan himself wasn’t an eboy- so he could not effectively pull the chains away from the other man. The eboy chains were sort of like Thor’s hammer. You had to be an Eboy in order to wield them. So Ethan was stuck on the defense. Blow after blow was brought down on the scene kid, and each dodge became a more difficult maneuver. 

Mark was also getting tired from wielding the chains. It was clear this battle would have no true winner unless they changed up their tactics. So that’s what they did. 

Using his bucket hat as a shield, EBM moved forward into SE’s territory, pushing the man backwards harshly. He swung a chain around his side so he could not escape. 

Ethan, panicking, employed the use of another 21 Pilots spell- lyric. I meant to say lyric. It’s totally not a spell. 

“You’re the judge! Oh, no. Set me freeeeee!” Ethan sang. The words had their desired effect and a wave of energy burst outwards from the man, loosening the hold of the chains enough for him to escape. Mark cried out in frustration. 

“HEY MAMAS!” he shouted. Ethan fell backwards in agony. 

“Oh! That’s low, even for  _ you _ ,” Ethan called from his place on the floor. Mark stood over him triumphantly. 

“I’m the winner,” the man declared in a ‘haha I win you lose’ type of tone. But the declaration was premature! SE still had one more trick up his sleeve. 

“EYELINER, ACTIVATE!” Ethan yelled. Mark looked confused. There had been no visible change, but he sensed that something had happened. 

The eyeliner made Ethan stronger, faster, more lucid. AND the effects of the makeup were doubled tenfold because he was a boy. Everybody knows that when you destroy a gender roll your abilities in a fight simply become stronger. That was why EBOY MARK was wearing Amy’s perfume- because he knew there would be a fight today and he needed the powerup. It didn’t matter that Amy looked at him a little suspiciously when took it- THIS WAS WAR. 

With the eyeliner Ethan could see past, present, and future. He knew what Mark’s next move would be. He knew what EBM was THINKING. What he was FEELING. And he could use all of those thoughts and emotions to his own advantage. The picture of how this battle would end suddenly became clear to him. 

Ethan slowly got to his feet. 

“Stay down!” said Mark, readying his chains. “You’ll only make a fool of yourself, scene kid!” 

Ethan did not hear it. 

“I’m warning you!” Mark swung his chains in a circle. “Last chance- STAY DOWN!” 

Ethan got to his feet. EMB lifted his weapon in the air and prepared to bring it down in a FINAL BLOW. But Ethan just stood there fearlessly. 

Suddenly the scene kid moved! He turned his body to the side and stuck his tooshie out like his LIFE DEPENDED ON IT! He looked over his shoulder and put one hand on his hip like an absolute queen. He looked down and back up at the man, then batted his eyelashes. Ethan was posed like a model. 

“AUUUAUUAGAHDHG!!” Mark cried. “NO! NOT THE POSE! NOT THE POSEEE!!!” he wailed, as his attack fell short. He dropped his chains and they clattered to the ground with much noise. “It’s- It’s too sexy! NO! Please! DO SOMETHING UNATTRACTIVE NOW!” 

The scene kid did not listen. He continued to be an absolute cutie pie. Mark felt his vision go blurry. 

“I’ll be destroyed!” EBM proclaimed, as he fell to his knees. A wave of sympathy fell over Ethan. 

“Please, drop the pose!” Mark called again. He felt his muscles weaken. “At this rate I’ll never fight again! You must do something!” 

Scene Ethan had every intent to keep posing, but something within him suddenly made him stop. He dropped his hands to his side and returned his hips to their comfortable position. Mark made a noise of relief and fell forward. 

“Thank you, Scene Ethan. You are an admirable opponent,” Mark gasped, as he slipped in and out of consciousness. 

Ethan knelt down beside him. “Will you be okay?” 

“I will, of course. And then I’ll be back for a rematch.” The man said though panting breaths. 

Ethan laughed lightly. “Classic Mark. Truely, you are the best of all the EBOYS.” He put a hand on his friend’s back. 

“Don’t touch me,” said Mark. 

Ethan chuckled, and Mark did too. Then Ethan stood to leave. 

“I will meet you again, EBOY Mark. This I know. You are not one to accept defeat.” 

“I am not defeated. Ever. I will rise again, and crush you in battle.” 

“We shall see. We shall see…” and Scene Ethan walked away. 

  
  


\---

AND SO THE LEGACY OF SCENE ETHAN AND EBOY MARK CONTINUES. WHEN THEY MEET AGAIN, THEY WILL EACH BE STRONGER IN THEIR ABILITIES. AND EACH BATTLE WILL BE MORE LEGENDARY! UNTIL NEXT TIME....

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! if you suggest stuff in the comments I might add it lol. Also feel free to tell me your own headcannons and theories or any explanation for why they are fighting, I would enjoy reading them immensely. <3


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